By now, we all know that Elvis and Tupac are alive and well, Jay-Z is the head of the Illuminati, and Beyoncé is a clone created by lizard people to force us into capitalistic submission. If you thought you’d found all the triangles that the music industry could throw at you, put your tin foil hats back on and get a load of these.
Taylor Swift is a Satanist
While it can be argued that Swift’s most devoted followers take on the tendencies of cult disciples, some have owed her obsessions with the number “13” to something more sinister than her date of birth. On account of her eerie resemblance to Zeena Schreck, daughter of the Church of Satan’s founding father, Anton LaVey, and her lucky number’s links to the Satanic 13 Bloodlines of the Illuminati, Tay Tay’s devilishly catchy songs and man-eating reputation have all been chalked up to the Mark of the Beast. How’s that for “Bad Blood”?
Andrew W.K. doesn’t exist
After a concert in 2004, in which the “Party Hard” rock star left the stage mid-set never to return, Andrew W.K.’s slimmed-down and freshly shaved appearance prompted many to question whether the fun-loving head-banger had been replaced. Some have speculated that he is constantly switched (once by Dave Grohl, according to lore) by an enigmatic puppeteer named Steev Mike. Or – and this is a stab in the dark – he could’ve just gone easy on the burgers for a while. Either way, it seems like W.K. is having far too much fun playing along.
Stevie Wonder isn’t blind
If this one were true, it’d have to be one of the most committed acts of deception we’ve ever heard. Over the years, truthers have pointed to instances in which the “Superstition” superstar executes Daredevil-esque reflexes despite his lack of vision, including catching a falling microphone stand, looking through a camera’s viewfinder to take photos, and sitting courtside at basketball games while apparently following the action. So, how did you know about the “writings on the wall”, Stevie? That the “ladders ‘bout to fall”, Stevie?
Pitbull predicted MH370
While many see Pitbull as a needless guest musician of incomprehensible success, there are others who look much deeper into his ‘Mr. Worldwide’ nickname. Teaming up with Shakira for the single, “Get It Started”, the Miami rapper drops a few key phrases in a verse that include “big news”, “Malaysia”, “worldwide” and “two passports”, catching the attention of discerning, non-“sheeple” netizens and linking it to circumstances surrounding the disappearance of flight MH370. Come on folks, this is the guy who rhymed “Kodak” with “Kodak”.
Nicki Minaj is actually Jay-Z
Hov is a hot ticket when it comes to conspiracy theories, and when he’s not a time-travelling vampire going back to the ’30s to do research for The Great Gatsby soundtrack, he’s laying down verses for rap queen Nick Minaj. Though we’d argue that titling her album The Pinkprint after The Blueprint was mere tribute, we can’t deny that when her voice is slowed-down, it bears uncanny resemblance to Jay-Z’s signature style. We honestly wouldn’t know how to feel if we learnt that he was truly behind the lyrics of “Anaconda”. Cue nightmare images.
Michael Jackson’s death was a cover-up
The Prince of Pop dealt with his fair share of out-there theories during his time on this earth, but perhaps it was his departure from it that gave rise to the most bizarre of them all. While Jackson’s accidental overdose resulted in a lengthy malpractice case, some note that his death came conveniently during Iran’s Green Movement protests that sought to remove the country’s president from office. In a bid to divert attention from the political upheaval, it’s believed that higher-ups masterminded Jackson’s death to keep eyes on the West.
Dr. Dre started Burning Man
There’s no question that the N.W.A. legend stumbled upon the festival when scouting for locations for the Tupac-featured music video “California Love”, evidenced by a letter to his then-girlfriend detailing his encounter with naked people building a wooden man in the Nevada desert. Also stating in the letter that he thought there could be money in the festival, some believe it was Dre who put the “Inc.” in Black Rock City, opening the event to the public and driving up ticket prices each year. Still hustlin’.